Navigating Separated or Divorced Parents at Your Wedding

Divorced Parents at Your Wedding….as if there wasn’t enough to navigate in wedding planning! Over the past year, I’ve had countless conversations with couples grappling with one particular pre-wedding stress: How do we manage our separated or divorced parents on the wedding day? It’s emotional, it’s layered, and honestly, it can be a bit of a minefield. So, I felt it was time to put pen to paper.

Family dynamics are rarely straightforward, but when a separation hasn’t been the most amicable, weddings can stir up all kinds of feelings, not just for the couple but for the parents involved too. You’re caught in the middle, trying to plan your dream day, and suddenly you’re knee-deep in conversations about who sits where, who walks you down the aisle, and whether a particular photo lineup will cause tension. Sound familiar?

Back in my wedding coordination days, I would see many couples carrying so much anxiety about the ‘What If’s’ of the day. And here’s a little reassurance straight off the bat: I have never seen a wedding day where parents didn’t manage to put their differences aside. They may express stress or anxiety beforehand (sometimes very vocally!), but once the day arrives, there’s a kind of unspoken agreement…it’s not about them. And that, I promise, brings a huge sense of calm.

That said, it’s still worth planning ahead, especially if you suspect there might be tension. So here’s some of my thoughts a to help you navigate the pre-wedding prep without losing your mind:

• Have an Honest (and Early) Conversation

Set aside time to speak with each parent privately. Acknowledge that you know it might be difficult for them, but ask them what they need to feel comfortable on the day. This doesn’t mean promising everything, it’s about understanding their expectations and setting boundaries in advance. I’ve heard of couples feeling like they have to pick a side. There’s only one side that matters here and that’s YOU the couple. Let them know what you’re comfortable with too, you’re not a referee, and this is your day.

• Rethink the Top Table

The traditional top table layout? Often the first thing to go. When separated parents are involved, couples often scrap it altogether. You might choose to sit with your wedding party instead, and have each parent seated with their own siblings or friends.

If you’re really stuck, ask your venue coordinator to draw up a few seating options that feel balanced. Breaking up the table into a U-shape or having a sweetheart table for just the couple are great ways to defuse tension.

• Communicate With Your Suppliers

Make sure your photographer, videographer, planner, content creator and venue team are aware of any sensitivities. The last thing you want is your photographer calling for “one big family shot” without knowing the backstory. A quiet heads-up ensures they’ll be mindful of groupings, avoiding any awkwardness in the moment.

• Consider the Plus-Ones Carefully

Here’s the spicy one: what if your parent’s new partner is part of the tension? One bride told me she avoided the issue altogether, she didn’t offer either parent a plus one! Bold move, but it worked for her. You don’t need to feel pressured into extending invites that complicate the day further. It’s okay to make decisions that prioritise your peace.

Final thoughts….

Family life is complicated and weddings have a wonderful way of putting it under the microscope. However, with a little planning and firm boundaries, it can be a peaceful day. So if you’re in the thick of it right now, please know it will be alright on the night!