Post Wedding Blues

This is a repost from my 2015 article following my own wedding… Enjoy xx

You have just spent the guts of a year or so planning your big day. It consumes your every thought and free time. All of your family and friends are showering you with attention and your wedding dominates most conversations. Everyone is focused on you and you feel like a celebrity of sorts. You are at your busiest and also at maybe your highest stress point. But you’re loving it!

You are in the best beauty pampering regime of your life and every move you make is with the thought of walking down the aisle looking perfect. You’re eating well and more than likely exercising so you are full of happy endorphins. You might have lost a few pounds so you feel great and full of confidence. You’ve the excitement of being loved up and you are really focused on your relationship which gives you warm fuzzy feelings. In work you are counting down the days to your big time off so works doesn’t seem so bad.

You’re dreaming of your amazing honeymoon which is a trip of a lifetime. When you get there you are eating and drinking like an animal. All honeymoon couples are treated like royalty. You have your hen or stag before the big day and all of your closest friends are away with you giving you the send off of your life.

Overall its just one of the best years of your life and for most its not necessarily the day of the wedding that’s the best part, it’s the lead up of all of the mentioned components. When people who are already married tell you to enjoy every minute is because this really is one of the best years of your life. I only really understood this after i got married. When people were telling me to really enjoy the moment, it went in one ear and out the other!

Plus you are always celebrating so you are always tipsy on bubbles!

THEN

Its all over, there is empty space in your life where your wedding prep once stood. There is a wedding shaped hole in your heart! You’ve indulged on honeymoon and are now officially off the healthy wagon. You are eating junk and your 5 a day and 8 glasses of water a day is now a distant memory. You have probably forgotten what a gym looks like. You my also be exhausted as you’ve been running on pure adrenaline for the lead up and days after the wedding.

For many they get a bit low and this is a completely normal. It’s not just the brides that this happens to, grooms also take the come down hard too.

Over the years I have seen so many slump for a few weeks or months after their wedding. For some it can feel like there’s nothing to look forward to. Some people disregard this and some of your friends and family may not understand unless they have been through this themselves. You can feel sad and not know why. You feel guilty as this is meant to be the best time of your life as you are married. This my friends is called the ‘post-wedding blues’. It’s completely normal, you’re not going mad and you’ve nothing to feel guilty about. Not everyone talks about it as it feels like such a petty thing to be dwelling over but its not petty and it is a real thing so get talking!

I luckily avoided the whole wedding come down as I knew what was ahead. I had heard this from so many people over the years so I knew it could happen. I also knew if it did happen it would pass so I wasn’t overly worried about it.

Without even thinking about my potential post wedding blues I had changed jobs and started 3 days after coming back from honeymoon plus I moved house so I didn’t have time for thinking and this turned out to be my saving grace.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. I have seen one or two people close to me go through this and it took about 3 months for them to be 100% back on track.

Here are some tips to avoid the pitfall of post wedding blues

1. Before your wedding plan a few events or activities for you to look forward to.
2. Talk about it, talk to your partner in particular. I love the weddingsonline forum as there is a whole community of people going through this. Everyone is talking and supporting each other. Even if you don’t join in the conversation, you can read other people’s experience which will give you reassurance to know that you are not on your own.
3. Accept the blues but now you know what they are and don’t feel so bad. There is nothing wrong with you so go easy on yourself. Use this time to recharge your batteries and indulge!
4. The key is to keep busy so make sure that your diary is full to distract you. You may not feel like doing much as you feel like you’re not great company but try and push yourself to go out and see your friends.
5. There may be big changes that you put off such as moving house, redecorating, changing jobs, studying at night or taking up new hobby – Get planning on these changes after the wedding.
6. There is something about Irish culture that means as soon as a couple gets married, everyone thinks its ok to ask them when will the baby be due! For some, getting married is the first step in their family planning journey. For others, its not. This is a whole new level of pressure. It can be particularly stressful if you don’t get pregnant straight away and have difficulty. This was probably one area where i felt the pressure. I hadn’t even cut the cake when people where giving me the wink and nudge about getting pregnant! I felt that i was being made think about something that i wasn’t ready to think about at this stage. For others they can’t wait to start trying. You have to remember that your stress levels will be high on the come down of a wedding so go easy on yourself and maybe give yourself a bit of a break or manage expectations that baby making can take some time! Enjoy the journey and practise time! For same sex couples you may be trying to get your heads around the options for you to have children and this can be really tough as its not easy, its not straight forward and its an expensive process. Remember, whatever your situation, you will get there, everything will be fine.
7. Plan some mini-moons, take some breaks in some nice hotels around Ireland if your bank balance persists but just plan a getaway to keep up the fun from honeymoon. If you need some recommendations take a look at the reviews of some of the hotels that i have visited over the last year.
8. Send me your real wedding story and i will try and publish it! It’s like the gift that keeps giving.
9. There a few bits of admin to do which you could stuck in to straight away such as changing your name if you are planning on doing this. Let me tell you this is no easy task! Im still a year later trying to chip away at it! You might want to do thank you cards as well and that takes time. You’ll be getting the proofs back from your photographer and videographer so you will be busy picking images and scenes for your final keep sakes.
10. When you get your album/pictures or video, arrange a few different evenings with different gangs from your bridal party or parents. Host a dinner, sure you might as well seeing as though you will probably have a million new wine glasses, cookware and cutlery!
11. Try and spin a positive, you now have your time back and the pressure is now off. All of that stress and expectation has now moved on to someone else, put the feet up and enjoy those chocolate biscuits!
12. You are now married, this is what it was all meant to be about. Even though you could be together for a long time, the togetherness you feel after a wedding is really special. You are now officially a unit, a force to be reckoned with and have that very important commitment. It’s very hard to explain but trust me, you will feel it and its a really lovely feeling and place to be in your life.

Remember it will pass and life will go on. You are going to be fine. There is so much to look forward to after your wedding and if all else fails you can do a vow renewal ceremony and go again!